I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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