I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
