no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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