so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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