my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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