After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
