my vag is so smooth its legendary
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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