would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
