You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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