Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
