I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
