you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
