My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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