she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
