I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
