IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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