Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
