TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
its liver damage thursday
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
