I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
