i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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