he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
