either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
