It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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