everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
