are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
