I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
