I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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