ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
