break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
