my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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