i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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