You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
