The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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