Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
