So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
