Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
