the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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