Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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