Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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