Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My bed smells like the plague
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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