Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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