Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
