my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
