the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
