fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
