i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
