In the future we'll all be gay
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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