Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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