She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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