im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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