I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
