I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
