Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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