So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
