I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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